Very soon I’ll know if Kitty will stay with me as my adopted daughter or if she’ll return to her birth mother, and I have so many emotions!
“Change is the only constant in life.” - Pastor A. R. Bernard,
Seasons change both naturally and figuratively in life. Very soon I’ll know if Kitty will stay with me as my adopted daughter or if she’ll return to her birth mother. Quotes like the above have been helping me during this transition into a personal new season.
I have so many emotions!
I feel like we’re just getting adjusted to each other and now our fate weighs in the balance. More importantly, I’m worried she won’t recover. Kitty has been in limbo for far too long. Thanks to a broken system, she has been out of her home for almost half of her life. It worries me that even with the adoption she’ll decide the love that has been given to her is not enough. I can't imagine the emotions she is feeling. I want to make sure she isn’t overwhelmed with the effects of such a big decision, but how could she not be? As much as this process pains me, it’s an unfortunate necessity.
Reflecting on the above quote, I remember God is the stability we long for. He is our ONLY stability, actually. I’m reminded that no matter the situation, He will bring us through it.
He brought us together at a time we didn’t even know we needed each other, helped us through the initial stages of fostering, kept us through bonding, schooling, and a pandemic. And now we’re here.
To be frank, if I don’t get to adopt Kitty, I’ll be devastated. I’ll miss the pitter patter of her feet running up and down the hallway. I’ll miss our movie nights and hair appointments, her little giggle and our inside jokes. I’ll miss the dreams I had of parenting her into a confident, intelligent young woman who stands up for herself and others, and leads a life of integrity. She’s brought the color to my life in every way, from her hugs to her favorite rainbow blanket.
If it turns out I was to only have her for our short season, I can be confident I did my best. Our successes of no longer crying through the night - both Kitty and myself LOL. Her adjusting to a new school. Her learning to vocalize her feelings instead of having tantrums. None of our experience has been in vain.
All this uncertainty is forcing me to pray more and rely on my own understanding less. It’s forcing me to trust God in a new way and know that He loves her more than I do. For anyone else anticipating their adoption process, I want you to remember the same thing. Our lack of control brings anxiety, but when you lean on the Solid Rock of Jesus you can be certain that as His word says, all things will work together for your good.
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